VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
