I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
