drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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