I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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