Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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