just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
