I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
