And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
