You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize