My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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