Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
