Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
