I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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