put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
