My underwear smells like fireworks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
