i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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