here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize