I faked an abortion last night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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