Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
