you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
