Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
