yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
