Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
COCAINE IS GR8
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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