yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
