dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize