Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
