How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
