Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
