found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
