But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
