A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
