Say something about gay babies.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
