The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize