Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
