My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
