you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
