Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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