Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
