I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
