But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize