'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
