no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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