I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
