I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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