hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
