I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
