Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
time to smoke my breakfast
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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