You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
