sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
