No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's blow job season.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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