You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
