are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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