I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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