And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
