I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
