Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize