Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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