But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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