just tell him i said nine months
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
