Do you still have your period?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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