is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
