yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
