You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
