We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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