Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
