can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
