i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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