I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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