I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize