he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
