He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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