Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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