Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
