you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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