I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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