i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
