Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
