so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
