Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
