A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
