just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize