I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
