I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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