Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we have pet lesbian snakes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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