I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize