God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
