We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also, beer. Big fan.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
