i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
