There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
