I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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