never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
