the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
