rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
