So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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