my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
