first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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