he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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