If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize