As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
