why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And then he peed in my hair
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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