i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
