rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
