I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
