there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
