Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Houston, we have a blender
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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