Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
