please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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