I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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