Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize