i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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