used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
