that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
