By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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